I sent this email using my voice. Listen to it here: http://dial2do.com/1ygmb9e4

I woke up this morning, and as per the daily RITUAL, checked emails, Twitter
Direct Messages, @ Replies, New Follows, Etc. I use a Profile Validation Service to
initially screen REAL new follows from SPAM BOTS. This ISN’T perfect, because a
SPAMMER only has to REGISTER for the service THEMSELVES, and are then
EXEMPT from the CAPTCHA requirement of OTHERS. Life is FUNNY like that.

I HATE deciphering those things as much as everyone else.(I run EVERYTHING
from a Motorola i465 Clutch with a 128×160 pxl screen!) However, I DON’T agree
with EXEMPTING service users from OTHERS captchas for the aforementioned
LOOPHOLE.

So, I’m checking Through the NEW FOLLWERS list, and I come across @Keith_Humphrey. The validation report, Emailed to me, Stated that he passed validation and is now following my updates. Like I SAID, The war on spam has made me VERY jaded, so I ALWAYS check em out MYSELF anyway. Life is FUNNY like that.

As I’m reading down his timeline FULL of RETWEETS and FOLLOW FRIDAY
style posts,(today is WEDNESDAY) I’m thinkin to myself, Yeah, This SOB thinks
he’s SLICK disguising his spam with all this. Spammers are USING this tactic more
and more to get under the radar! So of course, MY RADAR was going crazy! As I
got down to his PROFILE and read the DETAILS, I’m thinkin all these things he
says about himself, but lives in KANSAS? BLOCK button HERE I COME!

But, I’m a little MORE THOROUGH than that. Call it my OCD for finding out
ALL the story. Life is FUNNY like that. So, I check out his BLOG, which he linked
to in his profile. It took a minute for it to load in my phone;(his ENTRIES are
somewhat LENGTHY, Like MINE is TODAY) I could NOT have been MORE
SHOCKED! Keith is NOT ONLY a REAL person and NOT A SPAMMER, but has
led a VERY interesting life, and SURVIVED a REALLY SHITTY childhood!

After reading his blog, I was EXTREMELY GLAD that I HADN’T BLOCKED
him! Had I NOT taken the time to DIG DEEPER, I would have blocked him,
encouraged MANY OTHERS to do the same and Twitter POSSIBLY
SUSPENDING the account of an INSIGHTFUL and DECENT person, who we
could ALL learn a few things FROM! Life is FUNNY like that!

Of COURSE, I followed this INCREDIBLE human being BACK, and felt MOST
FORTUNATE for the PRIVILEDGE of doing so, thanks to Social Media Vehicles,
such as Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, etc. Were it NOT for these media, Someone
like ME would NEVER have the OPPORTUNITY to MEET people like HIM! Life
is FUNNY like that.

I HAVEN’T sent him a Simple THANKS for FOLLOWING DM, because it
seemed NOWHERE near ADEQUATE to explain this story to him in 140
CHARACTERS or LESS! I’m SURE, After READING this, you”ll ALL AGREE.
While this self Spearheaded WAR ON SPAM has jaded me, I THANKFULLY,
have NOT YET let it SNUFF OUT my SOUL and DESIRE to know the WHOLE
STORY, for If I HAD, I’d have MISSED out on 1 of the BEST new readers in this
little FAMILY! LIFE IS FUNNY LIKE THAT!

PLEASE, think and DARE to DIG into YOUR new follows and friends etc.
BEFORE you BLOCK. This ALSO applies to OTHER AREAS in LIFE as well.
SOMETIMES the Rabbit Hole goes MUCH DEEPER, and the ONLY way you’ll
KNOW for SURE is to DIVE in and CHECK! Because, Life is FUNNY like that.

And By The Way, to Keith Humphrey, If YOU’RE reading THIS, THANKS for FOLLOWING. I followed you back! Sicerely, The Jackal

Date: 2009-07-27, 1:43 A M EST.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you
Demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on
Me and my girlfriend threatening our lives. You also asked for
My girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I can only hope that you
Somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment, I didn’t
Expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol
After you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I
Was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP
Pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster
For it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very
Intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … Isn’t it!

I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d
Come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I’m sure it was
Even worse walking bare footed since I made you leave your
Shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from
Calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in
Your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done.
Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other
people’s in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with
The big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeles s guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s,
Along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I
Then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was
Parked at the curb… After I broke the windshield and side
Window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell
Phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used
The phone for a little over a day now, so what’s going on with
That? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls
To the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really
Intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced
Your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … But
I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate
Punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try
To sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues,
And can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,
And perhaps reconsider the career path you’ve chosen to pursue
In life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

P.S. Remember this motto…

An armed society makes for a more civil
Society!

there’s an EEEEVIL VILLIAN! Let’s call Her Ms. Sherry Buzzard.

Mr. Hyena, spends his days trying to HELP and LOOK OUT for the OTHER

animals in the wild. Ms. Buzzard, spends HER time, PREYING on the

DESPERATION of ALL the other animals to FATTEN her OWN belly.

NATURALLY, our HERO aint down with PREDATORS like her, and tried to warn

and PROTECT them from her.

Of course, she DIDN’T like this, and so, TRIED to INFECT Mr. Hyena with a

DEADLY VIRUS! AAHHHhh, but OUR hero is NOT so EASILY KILLED; as a

GOOD HERO shouldn’t be! FAR more CUNNING than Ms.BUZZARD, Mr. Hyena

TRACED the attack BACK to her and INFECTED HER with her OWN VIRUS!;-D

Of course, like MOST villains, Ms. Buzzard has MANY LIVES, and will

EVENTUALLY try AGAIN. But for TONIGHT, the other animals of the wild could

sleep A LITTLE BETTER, knowing that Mr. Hyena was LOOKING OUT for them,

and would NOT die in the water like Ms. Buzzard HOPED.

The MORAL of the STORY…..DON’T try to INFECT a HYENA with a VIRUS,

because, when ATTACKED, A HYENA will RUTHLESSLY DEFEND ITSELF and

take a BIG BITE out of it’s ATTACKER! ;-D

So, Boys and Girls; Did everyone ENJOY my STORY? I know I LOVED

WRITING it! The Jackal’s a SUCKER for STORIES with a HAPPY ending! Till

the next story kids, The JACKAL
*The preceding STORY is a work of PUUURE FICTION and ANY similarities to

PEOPLE and EVENTS; real or fictional is of course, ABSOLUTELY,

POOOSITIVELY coincidental and unintentional.* ;-D

Perhaps, IF ENOUGH OF US COMPLAIN TO TWITTER, they’ll FINALLY UPGRADE those SERVERS to handle heavy enough flow that hackers IN THE FUTURE, wont be ABLE to exploit Twitter and INCONVENIENCE half the world.
TJM